


The playlist

by NotAfraid



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Loki Gets a Hug, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4676903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAfraid/pseuds/NotAfraid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is alone in Avengers tower and terribly bored. He finds a playlist on one of Tony´s devices, it says: Loki songs. And of course he can´t resist to listen to it. <br/>But music sometimes gets very close to what we´re trying to hide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you´re having time listen to the songs, they´re actually somehow very fitting.   
> In case you can´t the most important lyrics will be in the work as well.  
> Just search on youtube. There are lyrics for every song except for the one of the nuns. But I´m sure you´ll understand anyway.   
> I may, slightly, very slightly change a few words in the last part, as always I hope you like it and am very, very glad for any form of feedback and appreciation.

It´s so terribly boring…this tedious tower would be the death of him.   
Oh yes, someday, they would return from their stupid mission and find him lying on silk sheets and whitest paper would tell them: “Cause of death: Boredom.”   
So it will be and not different, he could already see it. 

He groans, when he lifts his body from the couch, for what seems to be the hundredth time in the last hour and looks around. Everyone has locked their apartments, since someone that surely wasn´t Loki, had changed everybody’s conditioner with hair dye, so it´s not possible to sneak a little around in the other rooms.   
But he doesn´t depend on their sneaking into their dull “personal space”.

He was just about to go back to the couch and to revel in self-pity, when he sees one of Tony´s elegant, glittery devices, lying on a wooden sideboard.  
His curiosity burns bright against the contrast of hour-long merciless boredom and so he hastily grabs it to catch a look. 

Is there a password? Will he have to identify himself?   
It seems like that, the screen remains black no matter which buttons he presses.   
Annoyed he lays it back down imitating Tony´s voice: “Oh I´m Tony Stark, I´m so great and too vain to let someone else use my phone!”

He was about to rush away, he wouldn´t feel humbled because a bit of technic, but he hears a soft ringing tone and when he turns around quickly, the screen was showing all services.   
Jackpot.  
Somhow he has managed to say a password or something. He really doesn´t care now.

A wide grin appears on his face and pure mischief sparks in his eyes.  
Oh the possibilities!  
He needs to take a deep breath to calm himself, before continuing. First of all he needs to change his status. What luck that Tony himself, introduced him to the world of technology and the concept of being connected constantly to everything and everyone.

From “I´m Iron Man and you are not.” to “Damn…lost again against the incredible Loki.”  
Usually he would act more low-key, but in that moment he finds the joke too delicious not to share.   
Next he writes an offensive message to Natasha, told Thor that he ate all the poptarts and a sassy comment to Steve´s new profile picture.   
(“Murica intensifies. 10/10 bold eagles would freedom that.) 

“Oh, Loki, you´re such a genius. Their sounds of confusion will be music in my ears!”  
A pop up appears on the screen and it says: “The words Loki and music appeared. Would you like to open the playlist: Loki?”

Hel, yes he wants to open it. His fingers react quicker than he´s even able to think and he´s being led to a playlist, with a few songs on it. 

“Don´t mess with me, Temposhark”:   
He sits back down on the couch, with a way better mood, listening to the lyrics closely. Even though he acts, as if he would never give the smallest hint of attention, secretly he craves to see his reflection through the eyes of others. Or through their ears.

The sound appeals to him, as well as the lyrics. To be seen like that…wonderful.  
Power hungry, dangerous and independent.   
Oh he indulges himself beyond measures to hear these reassuring words, they´re literally the sweetest music in his ears and he looks to the ceiling blissfully, his pupils widened, so that there´s just a thin ring of green around the dark drunkenness.  
The music stops and there´s a bit of silence between it and the next song.

“Sweet dreams, Marilyn Manson”:   
The next song is almost as good as the last, sexual, demanding and dark.   
As he listens he catches himself, questioning whether he wants to abuse or be abused.   
His face reacts visually with an expression of disgust to that thought. The answer should be clear, he´s the one abusing, he´s the dangerous one, he´s the one who needs to be feared and not to fear!  
He successfully shoves this doubting thought away and falls back into the illusion of bliss, that isn´t as secure as it was a few moments before.

“Do you want me on your knees, The Nuns”:   
He´s being pulled out of his half delirium, when the rhythm changes. Sharp, quick guitars and rebellious voices. Not bad either…  
“Do you want me on your knees? And you say yes!” Really good, could have been a quote from him.   
But then the lyrics start to disturb his relaxation.  
“A note to the enquirer, could put an end to all of this. I shaped your body and your world, in all of it emptiness.” He stops as if something just hit him. “We played a game, but someone else was in control.”

With a movement of his finger the song stops. Not a second longer would he listen to it, a cold thought of Thanos, the one who has always been in control, wanders through his mind and he tries to push it out of his brain.   
After five seconds the next song starts and he decides to completely focus on this, hoping that it would distract him.

 

“The sound of silence, Simon and Garfunkel”:  
"Hello darkness my old friend...I´ve come to talk with you again..."  
The words touch his soul directly, softly and yet so cold they lay secure on a piece of himself, he´d always hoped to be able to hide.   
Funny, how the more light and happy rhythm makes the deep words even worse.   
“Hear my words that I might teach you, take my arms that I might reach you.”  
The picture of his mother, gently stretching out her arms to him in the dungeons, sadness in her eyes, yet a little bit of hope. He wanted to reach her so much…he wanted to take her hand but it wasn´t granted to him to touch her one last time and the intensity of the memory presses every bit of air out of his lungs.

As he waits for the song to stop a terrible fear build up in him. Is there a possibility that Stark…Tony looked behind his sophisticated illusions?  
Could he really have ripped apart the carefully weaved curtain? Anyway he thought that these songs would describe Loki...and in a cruel way they do.  
He doesn´t want to think about it but he´s not able to do anything else, than to passively follow his thoughts, wherever they may go.  
He´s relieved when the song changes but the relief isn´t meant to stay long, because the next song happens to be even worse. 

“Illusion, VNV Nation”  
The first forty seconds give him a bit of time to recover, even though his breath still goes ragged and uneven, the given time is enough for him to even breath at all.   
But the words that follow, change the blood in his veins to ice water, that pulls every warmth out of him from the inside.   
It´s like the words are being spoken directly to him, someone is looking him into the eyes and through them further into his soul.   
And once they get there, they are tearing him apart. 

He sees Tony speak these words to him, looking right into his face. After a few moments the face changes to Thor´s and it stays that way.

"Please don't go, I want you to stay  
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here  
I don't want you to hate;  
For all the hurt that you feel,  
The world is just illusion, trying to change you."

He can´t withstand anymore, the words are too soft, too understanding…he can see Thor´s lips, from which they flow.  
He looks right into his eyes…blue eyes that grew way too sensitive to be tricked by his lies anymore in the last years, making him feel worse than dying.

And before he can help it, the pain in his eyes runs over and flows out in the form of warm tears, that feels like fingers, that aren´t there, stroking over his face...but still he´s alone.  
Lonelier than ever, the solitude he build up around him so carefully to protect him, turns on him.   
Their walls tremble and fall, and bury the soul they´ve been protecting, under them.

Waves of sheer emotions run over him, each worse than the one before.   
Distrust, humiliation, fear, hurt, disappointment…regret.  
He doesn´t even feel himself curl up on the couch. An aching, crying mess, shaken with every new sob that.  
If he saw himself laying there, he would have screamed at himself, pulled the weak version of himself up, slap him across the face and force him to keep it together.  
But he doesn´t see himself. He sees nothing and does nothing.   
He can´t breathe, he can´t move…and he can´t stop himself from revealing more and more. 

Time passes, without him noticing and somewhere in the distance a door opens.  
Silence, severed by little cries. The music has stopped playing a long time ago.  
Then steps towards him.

The cold loneliness suddenly is being interrupted, by warm arms pulling him to an even warmer, broad chest.  
Strong hands brush over his shoulders until they stop trembling and for the first time in ages he actually feels secure. No internal bounds, no false pride, keep him from laying his own arms around the beloved shoulders, to draw himself closer, to the person he secretely missed so much.   
"You´ve...opened a bit..." Thors voice is hoarse and quiet.  
Loki just nods. He already knows.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki lets the words sink in a bit…pictures come up of feverish dreams, cool hands on hot skin, gentle eyes looking down at him, soft lips kissing his forehead mumbling promises and secrets into his ear… 

“Mother…” Loki breaths out the word and seconds later, he wishes he didn´t…too longing is his voice, too much desire, for someone he will never see again. His body can´t lift himself up anymore and he sinks down into Thor´s arms again as fresh tears leak from his hurting eyes.

Thor hesitates, since everything he says seems to make his brother feel worse.  
“She always wanted you to be happy…she always wanted you to know that you deserve it and that you´re worth it.”  
Loki´s lean body doesn´t shake anymore, it lies still, with no strength left in it, to push either Thor, or his words, away anymore. After a few minutes pass, Thor starts to stroke over Loki´s back and again and Loki leans into the touch, while pulling his legs to his chest.

“How was her funeral?” Loki whispers, without raising his head.  
Thor looks down. This was yet the latest of the many wrongs his brother had to endure…it was simple selfishness of Odin, to not let him take part in the ceremony.  
Oh Loki didn´t even know how she died for days…the more Thor gets to think about it, the more he understands Loki´s hateful behaviour. 

“It was worthy of her entire being. Full of light and warmness, instead of sadness and pain. There was a bond between the people.”  
Loki gathers enough strength to laugh bitterly. “Funny, that´s exactly what I needed, when I was locked in that cell, all alone to mourn for myself.”

There´s not much Thor can say to make it better. His brother is right…  
“I see my mistake…and I truly am so very sorry. Please believe me, when I tell you how much I regret and how much I´m seeking your forgiveness…”

Loki listens…it´s what they both have in common right now. Both of them did wrong and both of them wish for nothing more than to be forgiven by the other.  
He´s not angry anymore, just fearful to make the wrong move.  
His pride is screaming in his mind, hateful voices, that keep calling him weak, pathetic, unworthy of love and happiness get louder and echo back and forth through his soul.  
It takes him so much strength to ignore them, and speak the words that he needs to speak, but when he does his thoughts get quiet and for the first time in ages he feels a form of peace. 

“I won´t hold further onto my grudge towards you, I´m forgiving you from the bottom of my heart.  
I´m just begging you to do the same for me…”  
Thor feels how his own eyes start watering and he takes both of Loki´s hands into his.  
“There´s no possible way I could remain angry towards you, brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I didn´t mean to write further but now I think is the right thing...dang them two.


End file.
